


Lost and Found

by demoncow97



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Divergence, Light Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demoncow97/pseuds/demoncow97
Summary: When Gaara returns to Suna after being saved from the Akatsuki he discovers that Shukaku isn't the only thing he lost, and recovery might not be possible without some outside help.





	1. Something Missing

Gaara felt different, this he noticed immediately.

It had been two days since he’d been cleared from the hospital with no reported injuries aside from some understandable fatigue. Three days since Naruto and the rest of the leaf shinobi had returned home. Four days since Lady Chiyo had used that forbidden medical jutsu to bring him back from the dead. And Gaara felt different.

Suna was more or less the same, aside from some damage to the front gates, everything else was intact. The people were still shaken up from the Akatsuki’s attack, but Gaara’s return had done wonders for the village’s morale. In fact it had become difficult for Gaara to leave his residence without receiving profound thanks or kind words for all he’d done to protect Suna. Gaara was not used to praise or attention so he didn’t really know how to react in these instances, but he felt happy nonetheless. But something was still different… missing.

The feeling of emptiness was new and raw, a hole Gaara knew the One-Tail used to fill.

Shukaku had always been a part of him, and while not a pleasant presence, it was something he had grown accustomed to. So while Gaara should have been glad that the part of him that had caused his isolation was gone, the emptiness was still there. Being a jinchuuriki and the fear that this created had just become part of his life, a part of him. And now that part was just gone. Gaara knew he would simply have to adjust, but that didn’t make it easy.

He thought he could start by teaching himself to sleep, but despite no longer having to worry about the beast taking control, he found he couldn’t manage more than an hour at most. But while Gaara was painfully aware of this empty space where the demon had once inhabited, he didn’t feel lonely.

Temari and Kankuro had been glued to Gaara’s hip ever since his return. Their behavior could only be described as doting. Kankuro’s teasing held a lot less bite and Temari acted almost motherly, always asking if Gaara needed anything or if he was feeling alright. Gaara appreciated their worry but had grown slightly annoyed at the amount of times he had to say he was fine. Even with all the questions, he was happy to have them around and felt closer to them now than he ever had.

Gaara laid in his bed, once again attempting to sleep. He wondered if he’d ever be able to rest like everyone else, but wasn’t really bothered either way. He sat up and peered out his window. Things were calm, very different from the hustle and bustle that took place in the streets during the day.

Gaara appreciated the stillness of night. It displayed the peace that he wanted to protect with every ounce of his being. His purpose in life used to be to live only for himself, but now, it was to live for the people of Suna. This way even if he couldn’t make up for the lives he had taken in the past, he could at least use his powers to protect those around him instead of causing more pain.

Giving up on the prospect of sleeping, Gaara dressed himself and left his home. Evening walks allowed him to clear his head, which had become increasingly important these days. Memories of the blonde Akatsuki member plagued his thoughts more than he’d like to admit, usually accompanied by all of the what if scenarios that his brain invented. What if the explosion had hit Suna? What if Kankuro had been killed by Sasori’s poison? What if the two squads from Konoha had never come to help?

At least when he walked through the quiet streets of his village he could see that people were safe and asleep in their homes. This was usually enough to stop the what-ifs. Gaara knew thinking of the past wasn’t going to get him too far, so he did his best to look to the future. A bright future for him and his people.

Wind blew sand around at Gaara’s feet as he made his way toward the training grounds. He hadn’t trained since he got back, having been told to rest by the doctors. While Gaara never used to be one to devote much time to training in his genin years, already having all the power he would ever need to defeat most enemy, he had taken up training after the Chunin exams. The events during the Chunin exams and the people he had met, had fundamentally changed him. Becoming more dedicated to bettering himself was just a small part of that. He knew in order to be Kazekage he would have to improve. And now after being defeated and captured, he knew he would only have to improve even more.

But as he stepped into the training ground, Gaara knew something was off. That feeling was becoming stronger, the one he had been carrying ever since he had been brought back to life. The feeling of something being missing.

Gaara noticed that his body felt lighter, like he was missing a limb. It was probably the weight that had been lifted from losing the One-Tail. 

Gaara ignored it once again. He hadn’t brought up this strange feeling with anyone. Gaara figured whatever it was he could deal with it himself. He probably just hadn’t adjusted to the changes within himself yet.

Taking a solid stance, Gaara faced away from the village and focused only on the desert around him. He took a deep breath to find his center and to rid himself of the strange feelings that had followed him since his resurrection.

But as soon as Gaara willed the sand upon the floor of the training grounds to move, he realized that something was very wrong. The huge body of sand lifted less than a metre off the ground before Gaara’s vision blurred, causing him to drop the sand, which puffed up like a cloud of fog in the air. Dizziness caused Gaara to fall to the ground, his blurred vision not aided by the dust.

Gaara panicked, something that didn’t happen very often. What was happening? In his confusion he reached a hand toward his face to rub the fuzziness from his eyes. It was then that he noticed it. He felt the skin of his face against his hand, smooth and cold from the night air.

How had he not noticed until now? It should have been obvious. His sand armor was nowhere to be found. No wonder he felt so light all this time. 

Gaara disliked being without his armor, the armor gave him a sense of security and familiarity. It was very alarming to Gaara how long he had been without it and how long it had taken him to notice. Gaara willed the sand to begin forming a strong thin layer around him once again, but as the sand reached his waist, Gaara was hit with a wave of exhaustion.

The sand once again fell to the ground. Sweat poured down Gaara’s brow, from the effort of moving the sand along with the panic that was only increasing with every moment.

Why wasn’t the sand moving as he commanded? Why was he so tired? This had never happened before. Gaara felt ill to his stomach and his head was pounding, but he needed to figure out what was happening. 

He tried again to lift the layer of sand covering the ground around him but wasn’t able to witness the results as everything around him went black.

***

Gaara woke not too much later, evident by the dark of the night still around him. It took him a moment to regain his bearings; he was still lying on the floor of the training grounds. Gaara ached everywhere, so much so that he found himself unable to stand. It took all of his strength to sit up, the return of the dull headache making itself known as he did so.

He considered trying to use his jutsu again, but decided against it. He felt shaken up. Had he not only lost Shukaku, but his ability to manipulate sand as well? No, that wasn’t true. The sand had moved according to his will, but doing so was difficult, far more difficult than ever before, even when he was an infant. But if he couldn’t use his jutsu properly… Gaara shook his head, this was no time for worst case scenarios when he didn’t really know anything about what was happening. He assumed this had something to do with the Akatsuki or maybe even the reanimation jutsu. He was attempting to calmly assess the situation, avoiding the panic that had earlier taken hold of him, but it was difficult.

Repeatedly Gaara tried to move small portions of sand, testing out the results. When his dizziness or blurred vision returned he would stop and wait. Eventually he stopped altogether, feeling too tired to continue, but also not having the energy to go home and tell anyone, so he just sat there on the sandy floor of the training ground.

Gaara had no way of knowing how long he had been sitting there lost in thought, but it must have been awhile since Suna’s harsh sun was shining upon the village now. The brightness did nothing to help his piercing headache.

The people of Suna were beginning to wake, clear to Gaara by the fact that someone was running toward him.

Temari ran toward Gaara with a speed that she usually saved for the battlefield, showing how alarmed she was. Gaara was grateful that she was alone, as he was confused and not in a state to interact with anyone aside from family.

“Gaara, what the hell happened?” Temari demanded, but Gaara knew the anger in her tone stemmed from worry in this case. “You weren't at home this morning so I thought you just went in to start work early, but I didn't find you there either, and I know it’s not like you to slack off.”

It was true, Gaara never slacked in any of his duties. So it was no surprise that evidence of otherwise would alarm Temari.

“I’m sorry Temari” Gaara apologized, voice quiet from the tiredness he felt. He tried to think of how best to phrase what had happened during the night.

“You know if you need a longer break before you get back to work, that it’s fine right?” Temari sighed. She had been insistent that Gaara should have taken at least a week off to begin with, but Gaara had refused. “Everyone would understand, you don’t need to push yourself right now, the village is safe.”

Wordlessly Temari reached out a hand to help Gaara up, but before he accepted her help, Gaara voiced the reason he had not been in his office this morning. 

“Temari… my chakra isn’t working, I can’t control the sand.”


	2. A Diagnosis

Gaara sat with Kankuro in their living room, tension and apprehension thick in the air. The blinds were shut and doors were closed to avoid being disturbed. While it’s difficult to find complete privacy in a shinobi village, people wouldn’t dare sneak around the Kazekage’s residence. At least not if they possessed any sanity.

After Gaara’s confession to Temari in the training grounds, she had hoisted him up and supported him on her shoulders without a word and assisted him back home. They had avoided any passersby so that no one would see Temari practically carry the Kazekage, which would have raised a few questions. While Gaara cared very little about appearances, he thought Temari’s decision had been smart.

Gaara had given Temari a brief summary of what had happened on their way back, careful to make sure no one could hear him. Temari had remained silent, deep in thought until they had reached their destination.

Upon entering their residence, Temari had helped Gaara settle in the living room before going upstairs to wake Kankuro, who had still been sleeping unsurprisingly. He had grumbled and ignored Temari, but upon her mentioning that something was wrong with Gaara, he had been downstairs in seconds. Temari had then left, saying something about fetching a medical shinobi, leaving the brothers alone, Kankuro in his boxers and tank top and Gaara still covered in sand.

“So your sand won’t listen to you?” asked Kankuro tentatively. 

Gaara sighed. “As I said, the sand obeyed me, but I seemed to lose control quickly. I also became nauseous and very weak.”

“Do you know why?”

Gaara gave the statement no reaction, staying silent. If he knew why he would have explained it from the start, but there was no use shutting his brother down when he just wanted to help.

Feeling the exhaustion tug at his face, Gaara closed his eyes, resting them briefly. His illness seem to have passed but he still felt weak and tired, not that he could possibly relax until he had a better idea of what was going on.

“Well, maybe you just ate something bad, Temari did cook last night” Kankuro half laughed trying to lighten the mood. The attempt failed miserably.

Gaara was saved having to respond by Temari entering with an older woman dressed in maroon attire, carrying a large case of what Gaara presumed was medical equipment. The medi-nin bowed to Gaara before putting her bag down. He vaguely recognized her from when Kankuro had the flu as a child, but more so as one of the aids who had assisted him only days ago in Suna’s hospital. Gaara had almost never been sick in the past, and when he had, his father had not allowed anyone to examine him, so being a patient was still new to him. In fact having anyone taking care of him still felt foreign.

“Now, everything that happens today is strictly confidential, do you understand?” said Temari in a stern tone, the threat present in her words. The medi-nin nodded and then turned toward Gaara. 

“What seems to be the problem Lord Kazekage?”

Gaara recounted his symptoms for the third time now. The limitation of his sand control, his blurred vision, his illness and weakness. Like the times before he listed them clinically and stoically. Gaara tried to convince himself this was all just temporary effects of the reanimation jutsu. Just another adjustment that would take a little time and things would become steadier and more normal in time. The more realistic side of his brain said otherwise but he pushed those negative prospects away for now.

The medi-nin was attentive, taking notes and nodding as Gaara spoke. Temari had done a good job in choosing a doctor, then again Temari was a very good judge of character in general.

“The symptoms all point toward chakra exhaustion” the woman explained politely. “May I take a look at your chakra network Lord Kazekage?”

Gaara nodded at the question but said nothing. He felt surprised by the diagnosis. He had never experienced chakra exhaustion, having been able to tap into the Tailed-beast’s reserves before. Of course without Shukaku, it was now entirely possible. But what bothered Gaara was not that he now lacked an endless supply of chakra, but by how fast he had felt the symptoms of his supposed chakra exhaustion. Chakra exhaustion did not naturally occur after only a moment of chakra expenditure did it?

The doctor moved her hands around Gaara’s body, close enough that he could feel her chakra, but not so close that she actually touched him. He knew it was purely for medical purposes but Gaara still felt uncomfortable. He never let people this close to him, even his siblings rarely touched him. In fact, before having Shukaku removed it was almost impossible to touch him, so others in his space was not something Gaara was used to.

Gaara studied the medi-nin’s face, trying to read what was going through her head. She wore a frown but Gaara was unsure if it was one of focus or of pending bad news.

“Can you hurry it up a little?” asked Kankuro, whose patience was practically non-existent. 

“Can’t you wait for just once in your life?” Despite what she said, Temari was just as irritated as her brother, her own impatience clear by the tapping of her foot.

“Well excuse me for being worried about my little brother who was dead just last week and now has some mysterious illness!”

“Hey, I’m just as worried as you are!”

Gaara turned and shot them a look which promptly shut them up. While he was used to their bickering this was not the time or place. 

After a few minutes of silence, the medi-nin stopped her probing and made a small coughing noise as if to bring attention to herself despite already having the attention of everyone in the room.

“Well Lord Kazekage, you seem to be healthy and do not appear to have any illness or any damage to your chakra network, but…” She paused. “…The amount of chakra in your body is very low, but from what you’ve told me most of your chakra should have recovered by now.”

Gaara was piecing the information together quickly, and came to the conclusion before the medi-nin finished her official diagnosis.

“I believe you may just have very little chakra, whether this is your natural chakra amount without the One-Tail or a result of some jutsu I can’t say. I’m very sorry” She finished, bowing her head toward Gaara.

Keeping his face and manner calm, Gaara glanced briefly at his siblings who seemed to be at a loss, still processing the information. A regular shinobi without chakra was useless, let alone the Kazekage of Sunagakure. Gaara knew if he couldn’t find a way to fix this, the consequences would be sever, not just for him, but for the people he was tasked with protecting as well.

“What are my options?” Gaara asked, still maintaining his calm exterior despite his mind inventing various worst-case scenarios.

The medi-nin looked nervous. It was clear she was experienced as a doctor, so giving bad news would be something she should be used to. However, giving bad news to the Kazekage was a totally different story, especially a Kazekage that many still feared and remembered as the boy who had killed hundreds before he had hit his teens. But again, Gaara was used to the wariness people used around him so the doctor’s hesitation didn’t surprise him. He did wish she would just get on with it though.

“Chakra training may help increase your maximum chakra reserves slightly, but I’m afraid if I’m reading you correctly, even then you would have less chakra then a typical shinobi. Again, I’m very sorry”

The room remained silent as the medi-nin grabbed her bag. “I’m afraid there is nothing else I can do for the time being, I suggest you get some rest and perhaps I could return to re-examine you later?” She suggested.

“Thank you for your help” Temari spoke as a way to dismiss the medi-nin in order to be left alone with her brothers.

The doctor left with a bow and a promise to not inform anyone until given the okay, closing the door gently behind her as if afraid it would break.

“Shit…” Kankuro cursed, clenching his fists until his knuckles were white. Kankuro continued to utter many worse curse words which got louder and louder as he said them.

“Hey, there has to be something we can do, we haven’t actually tried anything yet. And this was just one doctor, she could be wrong” Temari exclaimed, the optimistic remark not reaching her eyes. 

Gaara didn’t hear either of them, trapped within his own thoughts. Without his abilities what was he? Through his transition from a feared weapon to Kazekage of Suna, the constant that had always defined him had been his strength. The strength to destroy or the strength to protect. Having already lost Shukaku, losing yet another aspect of himself felt overwhelming. Gaara felt as if he didn’t know who he was anymore, a stranger in his own skin. He was Kazekage, but was he really if he could do nothing for the people who he had tried so desperately to convince he had changed?

Gaara felt lost.

His siblings must have realized that none of their words were reaching him because they had stopped talking. When Gaara collected himself just enough to focus his gaze on them, he was met with worry.

Temari placed a hand on Gaara’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes, trying to get his attention and bring him back to the present.

“We’ll figure this out Gaara, Kankuro and I are here for you no matter what.” She smiled. “You don’t have to deal with this by yourself.”

Gaara paused a moment then nodded. He tried to tell himself that Temari was right and they would figure it out, but optimism was not something that came to Gaara easily. At the very least, he felt less lost knowing that he wasn’t by himself as he had been for so long before.

“Hey, I can help you train your chakra like the doc said. Maybe I’ll actually stand a chance against you now.” Kankuro was trying to lighten the mood again, which Gaara knew was him trying to be supportive. It was almost enough to make Gaara smile, but not quite.

“Before we do anything, I think we should agree to keep this a secret for the time being” Temari cut in.

This brought a frown to Gaara’s face. If he couldn’t perform his duties properly then he owed it to his village to let them know. Keeping something so important a secret could put his people in danger.

“I just mean until we understand what’s going on a little more. For all we know you could be having a bad day, and those old council members are sure to overreact and jump to conclusions” Temari continued, reading the expression on Gaara’s face. “Let’s try to understand this a little better before we make any big decisions.”

Gaara was still doubtful but he trusted Temari, she wasn’t his advisor just because she was his sister. Temari was smart, and could understand people better than Gaara could, so he agreed to go along with her plan.

“We will keep it a secret for now, but Suna comes first, even if it means my position as Kazekage.” Standing up, Gaara looked at his brother and sister who nodded understandingly. 

Gaara had spent most of his life feeling lost and alone, but maybe now with his family by his side it wouldn’t be as hard.


	3. The Council Meeting

Gaara threw himself into work. His duties as Kazekage kept him busy during the day; assigning missions, signing documents, and the many other duties and decisions that came with his position. 

If anyone noticed a difference in Gaara they said nothing. Most shinobi, Gaara included, concealed their chakra instinctively, so there was nothing suspicious in others not being able to sense his chakra. Aside from that, no one in the village was close enough to Gaara to notice any change in behavior, and he hadn’t been around the public enough for them to see him anyways. 

Gaara found himself staying clear of the streets of Suna. It wasn’t a conscious effort to keep his problem a secret, but he found himself uncomfortable around too many people in his weakened state. Gaara had never loved being in large groups to begin with, but now without his armor he felt even more suffocated in crowds.

Luckily there had been no events for him to appear at recently. Gaara guessed that Temari may have secretly attended a few to save Gaara the trouble, probably using the excuse that Gaara was still recovering from his capture to justify his absence. 

Nights were spent training. Gaara had found a small cave outside the village to be the perfect spot as it was far enough to avoid being seen, but not exposed to the many dangers that accompanied the desert at nightfall. 

Tonight however, was clear and cool, the perfect weather for training. There was a breeze but nothing strong enough to pick sand up off the desert floor.

Gaara made a hand sign and sent a wave of sand forward toward his target, dropping down on one knee as he did so. The sand hit, knocking the target backwards a few feet in the process, but not hard enough to cause any major damage.

“Hey, that attack was definitely stronger than last time. You’ll totally be surfing on giant sand waterfalls again in no time bro.”

Kankuro had kept his word, and would usually devote an hour or two now and then to help Gaara train. Gaara knew Kankuro would gladly have helped him for longer, but Kankuro was busy and needed sleep. Kankuro also had to keep going on missions despite his arguing that he should stay in the village in case anything happened. Tonight Kankuro had been using his puppets as sparring partners for Gaara.

“It’s still not enough” Gaara muttered more to himself than to his brother.

While Gaara noticed improvements in both the amount of sand he could wield along with his chakra stamina, it was nowhere near good enough. It didn’t help that every time he improved he ended up comparing his abilities to what they were previously. Thinking back to when he could control all of the sand covering Suna, the cluster he now wielded seemed pathetic. He could now control about the amount that filled his gourd steadily without getting tired too quickly, but any more than that was much too draining to be able to keep up for a proper training session. 

“I’m ready to go again” Gaara said to Kankuro who had been waiting for Gaara to recharge.

“Actually I think I’m gonna call it a night.” Kankuro yawned, rubbing his eyes in a way that avoiding smudging the makeup he hadn’t had time to remove before joining Gaara. “As your brother I have to sleep enough for both of us.”

Gaara concealed his frown, not arguing but still wanting to continue. Kankuro collected his puppets, dragging his feet lethargically as he moved.

“You are getting better though you know” Kankuro said, a rare hint of seriousness in his voice.

“It’s not good enough” Gaara said, repeating what he had said earlier. At this rate it would take centuries to reach his former capabilities, if he could at all.

“Hey, you’re making progress!” Kankuro countered.

“It’s too slow, and I’m making less progress with every session” Gaara answered. He wasn’t complaining, merely stating the facts. 

“C’mon Gaara it’s better than nothing, I’m not exactly a glass half full kind of guy, but even I can see you’re stronger than when we started.”

Kankuro was right and Gaara knew he was stronger, but that wasn’t really what Gaara was arguing. He wasn’t trying to be negative, he was just being realistic. 

It had now been a month since his appointment with the medi-nin and the reality that his condition was most likely permanent became more and more real with every passing day. Gaara would probably never be the same as he was before, not that he had given up quite yet.

“Thank you for your help tonight Kankuro” Gaara said, deciding against trying to make Kankuro understand his thoughts. “I’m going to continue for a while longer.”

“Fine, just don’t go too crazy okay.” Kankuro replied.

Gaara watched as Kankuro slowly made his way back to the village, the village full of those who relied on Gaara as their leader.

What kept Gaara going more than anything was the fact that he was not only doing this for himself, but for his people. It had been a month and Gaara was not yet strong enough to be the ultimate shield Suna needed. 

The needs of Suna came before his own, this was a rule Gaara had made for himself before taking the position as Kazekage. And because of this, Gaara knew he couldn’t keep this secret any longer.

***

“Temari, call all the council members, we’re having a meeting” Gaara said, not looking up from the paperwork he had been doing.

The sound of writing and shuffling of papers stopped. Gaara heard Temari sigh as she knew exactly what this meeting was about.

“We could keep waiting, you’ve been getting better and –“

“No, I can’t put this off anymore” Gaara cut her off, having made up his mind. 

Gaara looked up and stared at her for a moment, wondering whether she would continue to argue or not. He was prepared to fight until he got his way if that was the case though.

“Do you have a plan?” Temari asked. 

“To be honest with them.” Gaara said without hesitation. 

Temari nodded, not looking too surprised. She turned to leave the office but stopped as she reached the door. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

Gaara gave Temari a hard look as his confirmation. He knew after a month there was no more putting this off, and he had long since braced himself for the reactions of the council members. He knew they would not provide the unconditional support his siblings had, they would be harsh, critical and accusatory. This however did not make Gaara nervous in the least. The only thing that shook Gaara was the idea of exposing how truly powerless he was, as if he was a cat exposing his belly to a pride of lions.

Regardless, this was something that had to be done no matter how uncomfortable it made Gaara feel. Even if it meant his position as Kazekage.

***

The council members filtered in within the hour, Temari and Kankuro joining them. The annoyed faces of the men made Gaara curious about what Temari had said to get them here so quickly.

They all sat around the long meeting table in Gaara’s office. Gaara was glad to see Baki there; he must have just finished his mission, as he had been out until now and had yet to report his return. Baki was one of the few members who almost always backed up Gaara’s decisions, so Gaara hoped he could count on Baki’s support here as well.

The member’s chatted amongst themselves, some engaging in small talk, other’s complaining about having to leave whatever they’d been doing to get here.

With one empty seat Gaara decided it was time to commence the meeting. 

“I’d like to thank you all for coming on such short notice” Gaara began, standing as he spoke, all eyes now on him. “I have discovered some after-effects of the incident with the Akatsuki that you all must be made aware of.”

The room tensed at the mention of the Akatsuki. Gaara was not surprised; even though more than a month had passed, the mention of the infamous group still caused great unease. Gaara knew the tension and unease would only increase with what he said next.

“I’m afraid I have discovered that I now possess relatively low chakra reserves to the point where I struggle with fatigue after an hour of continuous use.”

Gaara was not one to beat around the bush, and there wasn’t any way to lessen the blow of the news anyways. He was not going to understate his condition out of fear of the reactions of those around him. He had told Temari his plan was to be honest, and that was what he going to do.

“I do not know why my chakra is the way it is, but I am confident this is not something that is going to resolve itself anytime soon. I have been making improvements since I first learned of my condition, but I cannot make any promises about a full recovery.” 

Finishing, Gaara sat and waited for the onslaught of questions, observing the faces of the older men around him. There wasn’t much time to gauge their reactions before one spoke up.

“How long have you known of your condition Kazekage-sama?” asked Ryusa, a dark eyed council member who was fairly calm and reasonable most of the time.

“I had a medi-nin confirm my condition one month ago.” Gaara answered calmly, but feeling the weight of the eyes on him.

“You’ve waited a month before letting us know such vital information?” yelled Joseki. “Have you not thought about the safety of the village?” A few council members nodded in agreement.

Gaara was aware Joseki still didn’t accept him as Kazekage and saw him as nothing more than a former shell for the Tailed-beast, so Joseki’s outburst didn’t surprise him. 

“I thought it would be best to try to deal with the issue quietly to avoid panic” Gaara replied. He made sure to use the term ‘I’ instead of ‘we’ to keep Temari and Kankuro’s names out of the discussion. If these men were going to get angry, it would be at Gaara and Gaara alone.

“That’s a poor excuse!” someone exclaimed. 

“But spreading panic would be terrible, everyone is still on edge…” said another.

“How can we ensure Suna’s safety?”

Everyone was talking at once now, emotions ranging from rage to distress, but all stemming from concern. Suna’s council all possessed different values, some of which Gaara didn’t personally agree with, but they all had the prosperity of their home in mind.

The bickering went on for several minutes, Gaara stayed silent and listened to the multitude of arguments and complaints around him, taking everyone’s opinions into consideration. At least when everyone was discussing with each other, it felt less like Gaara was being analyzed by the men at the table. Then suddenly Joseki stood.

“Gaara-sama is no longer fit to be Kazekage, it is in the village’s best interest that a new Kazekage be chosen.” he declared, his voice loud enough to overpower any other in the room.

This brought a silence, with everyone seeming to share a look of deep contemplation on their face.

This suggestion was no surprise to Gaara. If anything he was more shocked it had taken the council this long to come to this conclusion. It was not that Gaara wanted to step down, far from it actually. He had worked hard to gain the trust of his people and to form any sort of bond with them. He wanted to continue to protect them as their Kazekage, and had many ideas for the future of the village he hadn’t had a chance to implement yet. But the issue was that he couldn’t come up with any justifiable reason to why he should keep his current position.

Gaara wasn’t taking any of the comments personally, but the looks of distress aimed at him pierced his hardened front slightly. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep doubts from his thoughts, not about calling the meeting, but about himself. The confidence Gaara had built the last two years had been cracking during the past month, and now these cracks were starting to form small holes.

“Before we make any rash decisions, I believe we have to consider the consequences” Temari spoke up for the first time since the meeting had started. Gaara knew she and Kankuro had kept quiet until now to avoid being accused of bias, as the three had discussed beforehand. 

“I think we can confidently say that keeping a weakened Kazekage in power will put us all in jeopardy, there is no worse consequence than that! I knew having that monster as Kazekage would be nothing but trouble from the beginning.” Joseki hissed.

Kankuro stood up from his seat, but Gaara shot him a warning look before he could say anything. Getting angry now wouldn’t help them. 

“If we suddenly have Gaara step down, our enemies will see this as weakness and won’t hesitate to attack, am I wrong?” Temari continued, a slight arrogance in her voice. She had clearly thought up several counter points in preparation for this meeting.

“We could easily formulate an excuse without the truth getting exposed. The Kazekage is young, we could say he was asked to step down due to a lack of experience” another member added.

“Okay, then who do you suggest as Gaara’s successor? Leaving the spot empty right now is not an option, so do you have someone in mind? Mind you anyone weaker than Gaara will not be good for appearances”

Temari gave each individual a look as if daring them to suggest someone. Joseki sat back down shaking in anger, having no retort for the argument.

Baki cleared his voice. “I think that it’s too soon to have a change in leadership, we still don’t have enough information on the Kazekage’s condition. Perhaps we could find a way to unseal any chakra that’s been locked away.”

The suggestion got nods and words of agreement from everyone but Joseki who stayed silent. 

“Yes, the Kazekage’s health should be our top priority!” exclaimed a man sitting beside Baki. “We will make other arrangements once we’ve exhausted our other options.”

“I would also like to suggest that we keep this from the public to avoid mass panic until we have a better handle on things” Temari added looking pleased with how the meeting was turning around. "We can make a list of high level jonin determined to be trustworthy to inform in case of emergency at a later date." This was quickly met by more confirmation from the table.

The council began making plans to round up the local experts on sealing jutsu, but Gaara found himself on the backburner of the discussion.

When it came to decisions about his village, Gaara had never held back in leading the conversations and contributing his opinions, but now that the subject to discuss was him, he didn’t quite know what to say.

He knew he should feel happy as the meeting had gone reasonably well considering the circumstances, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel good about it. Yes, Gaara wanted to remain Suna’s Kazekage but he felt so useless and undeserving of the role right now. The only reason the council was allowing him to remain Kazekage was to keep up appearances, and that was wrong. 

Gaara wished his sand could transport him away like it used to, he needed some time to process everything. He was confused by all the emotions he was feeling, and he hated it. This also made it very hard for Gaara to concentrate on what was going on around him. He picked up odd parts of the conversation, but just grew more frustrated with how he couldn’t focus.

The meeting seemed to have finished, as multiple council members were standing and giving Gaara a brief bow before exiting. Gaara would have to ask Temari about the details of the end of the meeting, to clarify what he had missed, knowing it was very unlike him to become distracted in these types of events. 

Once the room had emptied aside from his siblings, Gaara stood and made his way to leave. He noticed Kankuro and Temari get up to follow him, but Gaara wanted to be alone for a while.

“Gaara, wait up” He heard his siblings call after him but chose to ignore them.

They followed him home but seemed to understand that Gaara just needed some alone time and stopped attempting to make conversation. Before heading into his room and without turning around Gaara stopped.

“Temari, please write a letter to the Hokage of what has happened. You don’t need to go into the specifics, but make sure to tell her not to make the information public at all costs.”

He vaguely heard her asking if it was a good idea to do this without discussing it first, but missed most of what she said after the door to his room closed.

It was only fair to let their allies know of his condition, and Gaara was not afraid of a betrayal on Konoha’s part. He trusted their alliance. If the leaf village had wanted to attack Suna they would have had the perfect chance when Gaara had been kidnapped. Besides, Gaara owed Konoha a debt, and while he preferred to keep his personal problems to himself, it was only fair to inform them of what had occurred. 

Gaara laid himself on his bed, and stared at the ceiling. The mattress was firm, which had never bothered him before, but right now he vaguely wished that something soft would swallow him whole. Something soft to ease his worries and clear his frazzled thoughts. 

He reached his arm out and began examining his hand. It appeared no different from when it had been covered in armor, and yet looked very naked to Gaara at the same time. Naked and unguarded, feelings Gaara had never experienced before and now couldn’t seem to escape. 

Realistically Gaara knew informing the council had been right, but telling them of his weakness made him feel on edge. When he closed his eyes he saw the council members staring at him, all of them aware of his pitiful state and all prepared to discard him as soon as they found a proper replacement. Gaara felt vulnerable and exposed.

And to Gaara, feeling vulnerable and exposed was scarier than any of the Tailed Beasts.


	4. Sand in the Breeze

“I’m afraid there is nothing more I can do for you Kazekage-sama. I will take my leave now”

The shutting of the office door marked another failed attempt to restore Gaara’s chakra.

After a week, Gaara had now been visited by every medi-nin deemed trustworthy by the council. The tests and treatments all varied from trying to find blockages in his chakra network to providing him with medication meant to give him more energy. Not a single one had changed his condition in the slightest. The only thing that seemed to have any effect was training, but now Gaara felt he had hit a wall in that regard as well. 

Ever since the council meeting he had stopped making improvements in terms of his chakra stamina and reserves. Attacks didn’t hit as hard and couldn’t be controlled for as long. It was frustrating to the point where Gaara found it hard to motivate himself to train at all. Everything was starting to feel hopeless, as if Gaara was trapped in a perpetual fog that would never go away.

Since night time training seemed pointless at the moment, Gaara spent his evenings in his office coming up with trade agreements or ideas on how to promote different industries within Suna. At least this way Gaara felt he was contributing to the welfare of his people. Some days he would work on these projects for so long he couldn’t distinguish when one day ended and another began.

Gaara looked up at the clock trying to take a guess at the last time he’d actually left his office, when Temari entered the room. She didn’t knock, but she rarely did anyways.

“How did it go this time?” Temari asked, the absence of Kankuro at her side due to the fact that he had been sent out on an A rank mission earlier that morning.

His siblings had attended the first few appointments he had, but a frustrated Temari and Kankuro didn’t really help the medi-nin with their diagnoses, so Gaara had requested he be tested alone. 

His siblings would typically come by afterwards to inquire about any headway, not that there had been any yet. It was really the only time the three of them discussed Gaara’s condition. The topic created an unavoidable tension that the siblings had no interest in involving themselves in if they didn’t have to. Gaara didn’t mind pretending nothing was wrong, but it did feel like Temari and Kankuro were walking on eggshells around him at times, which only reminded him of how their relationship used to be. It left Gaara with an unpleasant feeling. A lonely feeling.

 

“The same as the others. This one thinks I have simply reverted back to how I would have been without relying on the Tailed Beast, which doesn’t make sense considering how rarely I used Shukaku’s chakra.” Gaara shrugged.

The theories on Gaara’s condition were extensive. Some thought the reanimation jutsu hadn’t brought back all of his chakra back from the dead, others thought the Akatsuki had drained a chunk of his chakra during their ceremony. But Gaara cared more about solutions then how he got here.

“Did they have any recommendations on what to do about it?”

“Nothing I haven’t been told before.” Gaara deadpanned.

Temari scrunched her face up looking annoyed, whispering a small “Fucking useless” that Gaara wasn’t sure he had been meant to hear. Gaara returned his attention to the reports he’d been signing.

“When’s the last time you took a break?” Temari asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Well how about you take one now?”

Gaara looked up at his sister whose face was full of concern.

He had become very tired of the expression of worry. Even when he shared a meal with his siblings he would always catch the glances they would send his way. Gaara appreciated the concern, but at this point the worry felt more like pity, which Gaara hated. Any words of optimism Temari and Kankuro used always felt forced and laced with doubt, as if they didn’t believe what they were saying either. Of course he didn’t blame them for being pessimistic, after all, every medi-nin he met with gave him nothing solid to work with. 

Gaara knew all three of them were fairly realistic people, so they weren’t ones to put unbelievable expectations in place, but Gaara felt as if Temari and Kankuro may have lost hope in his recovery. Or maybe it was just Gaara that was starting to lose hope.

 

“I’m fine Temari” 

Usually that would be enough for Temari to leave the topic alone for a while, but by the look on her face, that would not be the case right now.

“Gaara you’re exhausted, you haven’t left your office in almost 3 days, and you need a break” Temari said sternly, trying to keep the frustration from her voice.

So it’s been 3 days, Gaara thought to himself. He was honestly a little surprised.

“Temari I’m fine, and you know I don’t sleep”

”Just because you don’t sleep doesn’t mean you don’t need rest, you’re not going to get any better if you don’t give yourself a break.” Temari snapped, snatching the papers from Gaara’s desk to stop him from continuing his work.

“I’d prefer to keep working, taking a break won’t help me right now.” Gaara said, not looking up.

If Gaara started taking breaks from his work now, it really would feel like he was useless, and that made him feel sick. He had to make up for the strength he had lost by strengthening his village in other ways. It was his duty as Kazekage after all, and he wasn’t ready to give that up quite yet.

“Well overworking yourself to death won’t help either!” Temari countered. “Don’t you get that I’m trying to help you?”

Gaara gave Temari a hard look following her statement, no emotion crossing his face. Sure he was tired, but the guilt that came with taking it easy was far worse than any exhaustion he felt.

“Temari…” Gaara said her name. While Temari was stubborn, she hardly held a candle to Gaara. When Gaara was set on a decision it was nearly impossible to dissuade him.

Temari made an exasperated noise and slammed the papers back in front of Gaara, who was still seated. There was a brief silence that followed, Gaara guessed Temari was trying to cool down.

“This isn’t over, I’m not gonna let you overwork yourself to death” Temari said, crossing her arms across her chest.

Gaara hummed in acknowledgement, leaving Temari to do as she wished as long as she left him to work right now.

“How are the preparations going for the medical herb garden expansion?” Temari asked, cutting through the thick air in the room. Gaara appreciated the change in subject.

“The materials should arrive in the next few days, and the area had been cleared and prepped.”

“Do you have the engineer’s plans with you?”

“I just finished reviewing it.”

Temari pulled out a notebook to take notes on any details she deemed necessary. And with that the conversation became purely business, that of a Kazekage and his advisor, not one of a brother and sister.

Gaara was grateful. He knew he couldn’t ignore his condition forever, but at least here at this moment, he felt as if things were normal again.

*** 

The night air blowing through the office window was cool against Gaara’s bare skin. Adjusting to his new lifestyle has not been enjoyable in most regards but being able to feel his environment for what felt like the first time in his life, was something Gaara had taken a liking to.

Wind, sharp and crisp against his skin rather than the dull sensation it used to be brought a kind of wonder that Gaara continued to marvel at. It was almost as if with his touch heightened all of his other senses had been enhanced as well. The smooth peel of an apple in his hand brought his attention to its sweet smell and the shine of its exterior. Gaara wondered if other people noticed these things.

Despite the new perspective his bare skin brought him, given the choice Gaara would choose his sand armor no questions asked. 

His armor had meant comfort, safety. Gaara had once compared the sand that covered his skin to a mother’s hug, all-encompassing and the ultimate protection.

Gaara reached his hand toward the gourd that sat on the floor next to his desk. The exterior was rough and worn but still pleasant to the touch, mostly due to the familiarity of the object. With his other hand Gaara removed the cork and placed it gently on his desk, careful not to get any sand on his paperwork. 

At his will, the sand in the gourd slowly crawled up the inside of the gourd and onto the hand Gaara still had rested against the surface. It tickled slightly as it clung to Gaara hand, a few grains falling silently to the ground. Gaara flexed his hand, moving each finger separately.

This sand was part of him, and has been as long as he’s been alive. But it seemed to have betrayed him just as his father had so long ago. Someone who was supposed to be there to support and love him. Someone who he had been supposed to rely on, but had treated him like an abomination. Just a weapon. It had been years since Gaara had thought about his father.

Gaara scowled at the bitter thought, breaking his concentration. The sand fell from his hand, small remnants remained under his nails. Gaara left the pile of sand on the floor and watched as the wind blew the grains around the room.

The scattering sand was part of him, and that part of him was blowing away. If he would ever find it again was a mystery.

Picking up a pen, Gaara set his attention back on his paperwork, leaving the sand to be lost in the cracks of the wooden floorboard forever.

***

Gaara squinted as light poured into his office. It served as a reminder that he had spent another twenty four hours working without rest and without leaving his desk. Gaara knew this would not impress his sister too much but what could he do. 

Looking down at his documents now brightened from the light of the sun, Gaara found the words that stared back at him to be blurry and unfocused. He told himself it was his vision adjusting itself to the light, but he knew it was the exhaustion starting to set in.

Gaara grumbled, frustrated with his body’s need for rest, but elected to ignore it. He could keep going, he could continue to work for a better future for Suna.

So Gaara stared at the words of the reports his shinobi had handed in last night, having to re-read the sentences several times before they stuck in his head. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to re-focus.

A knock at his door stopped him from reading the finishing sentence for the sixth time.

“Come in” he said, feeling both wary as it was earlier than he usually received guests, and grateful to take a break from reading the jumbled words for just a moment.

Gaara saw Temari enter, and immediately braced himself in case she chose to bring up the fact that he had failed to return home for what was the fourth night in a row. She looked a little tired, but then again it was around six in the morning if Gaara guessed correctly. There was something else in Temari’s eyes, annoyance maybe? But she also had what appeared to be a mild excitement on her face, Gaara wasn’t sure. 

While his siblings were the ones he spent the most time with and therefore the ones he could read the best, reading the emotions of others was still not one of his strong suits.

“Gaara, a relay from Konoha is here to see you” Temari stated, opening the door wider and gesturing for another to enter. 

A relay from Konoha? This was unexpected. While Gaara had asked the news of his condition not be made public, Tsunade must have informed a few of her shinobi. He wasn’t angry or anything, he trusted that Tsunade knew what she was doing and that she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their alliance. In fact she probably sent Sakura or another medi-nin to check on his condition to help him. 

However, even if Tsunade had sent Sakura, he doubted she’d discover anything new. Medi-nin of all skill levels had examined him, so no one short of perhaps Tsunade herself might be able to discover anything of importance, not that Gaara expected Tsunade to travel to Suna without having made the proper correspondence and preparations. He appreciated the help and would allow the envoy to look him over, but steeled himself as to not get his hopes up. Gaara had very little hope left concerning his condition anyways.

But it would seem that preparing for another medical exam would not be necessary as the leaf shinobi who entered the room was not Sakura Haruno. In fact Konoha’s relay was not a medi-nin at all.

Gaara stared in shock as Rock Lee entered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boy is finally here! Sorry for the delay on this chapter and thanks to everyone who have been reading so far. Comments and kudos give me life so feel free to do that if you want.


	5. A Smile in a Sea of Frowns

If someone had asked Gaara to make a list of people Konoha would send in this particular situation, the spandex clad shinobi who stood before him would not have made it. However, by now Gaara should expect the unexpected when it came to Rock Lee.

Gaara mentally added this to the list of many instances where Lee had surprised him.

The first being their fight during the Chunin exams. The moment Lee’s kick had hit him and he had felt physical pain for the first time was something etched into Gaara’s memory. Unbeknownst to most, Gaara carried a small scar on his forehead from the occasion. It had once been hidden by his sand, but at the moment it hid just as well beneath his red bangs. 

The second on Gaara’s list, far more shocking to him then the beating he had taken at Lee’s hand, was how Lee had so easily forgiven him after how Gaara had injured and nearly killed the boy. Gaara had spent many a sleepless night (or regular night in Gaara’s case) trying to understand Lee’s decision, but had given up long ago.

And while the shock he felt right now didn’t quite compare to those occasions, it was enough to visibly show on his face and render him speechless.

“Hello Kazekage-sama, it is very nice to see you again!” Lee said. By the smile on his face he was clearly not affected by the early hour.

Gaara didn’t answer, too busy trying to decide the reasoning as to why Tsunade would send Rock Lee, of all people, to Suna. It what not that Gaara disliked Lee, in fact it was quite the opposite. Lee was one of the few people Gaara would consider a friend; or at least that was how Lee referred to their relationship. Gaara wouldn’t consider himself and Lee extremely close, but he didn’t mind spending time with the leaf ninja and that was more than he could say for most people. But Tsunade could not have sent Lee just because the two were friends.

“Why did the Hokage send you?” Gaara asked, figuring it would be the quickest way to understanding Tsunade’s decision. The question probably came across harsher than had been his intention.

“I am here as a token of support from Konoha and am to help you in any way I can Kazekage-sama!” Lee proclaimed clenching his fist in determination. “I have also been ordered to report your ongoing condition to the Hokage.”

That didn’t really clear anything up for Gaara. If Konoha was sending someone for support and information gathering why would they send such a skilled shinobi, and one who specialized in combat at that. Tsunade wouldn’t have sent one of her shinobi at random, so there must be a reason. But from the sincerity with which Lee spoke (Gaara wasn’t sure if Lee had the capability to be insincere), he didn't know any more than what he had said. 

Gaara realized he had stayed silent for a time longer than what would be considered polite. He decided he would have to wait to figure out Tsunade’s thought process until later.

“Well, thank you for coming Lee. I’m sorry you’ve been sent on such a dull mission” Gaara said.

“Not at all Kazekage-sama!” Lee proclaimed loudly, taking a step closer to Gaara. “Supporting someone in need could never be dull, and I want to help in any way I can! I will not let you down my friend!”

Gaara almost smiled at that, almost.

“I was thinking you could provide Lee with the necessary information over breakfast” Temari cut in. “The restaurant near the academy has private rooms in the back.”

“Only if it is not too much trouble, I understand if you are busy” Lee added quickly.

Gaara was about to decline as he had more work to do, but didn’t have a chance before Temari answered for him.

“Nonsense, it won’t take too long, and Gaara needs to get out of the office for a bit anyways. I can finish up some of this work while you’re out”

Temari smirked as her true intentions were revealed, causing Gaara to scowl. He would have corrected her but the excited look on Lee’s face made Gaara stop and consider. Breakfast now would probably take up less time than the lecture he would receive later from his sister should he decline.

So Gaara nodded, but avoided Temari’s face, perfectly aware of how smug she looked without having to look at her. This was part of his duties anyways, he convinced himself. He would have to relay this information to Lee one way or another, so it wasn’t like he was taking a break.

***

Gaara lead them through the streets towards the small restaurant. It was early enough that the streets weren’t terribly busy, but there was a steady flow of citizens setting up shop and preparing for the day ahead. 

“I am very happy to be back in Suna, I did not get a good chance to see the village last time!” Lee said, a smile on his face. “I will have to run around the entire village tonight so that I am able to properly appreciate it! Perhaps I will do 100 laps so I do not miss anything!”

He continued to speak the entire walk, pointing out things he found interesting or different from Konoha. Gaara tried to listen but found himself distracted by the looks of the people around him. Realistically he knew they were observing the loud, colourful foreigner who was walking with their Kazekage, but part of him felt as if they could see through him. See through the false persona he was putting on and view how truly useless he was to them.

It had been several days since Gaara had been down these streets and he felt just as out of place as Lee.

Gaara turned to stare at Lee as he walked, trying to focus his mind on something other than the guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. But his tired wandering mind didn’t seem to want to take in any of Lee’s words. Gaara internally cursed himself, attempting to force his brain to process the information to avoid being rude. He watched Lee’s mouth move, nodding when he noticed a pause in Lee’s speech to at least seem as if he was engaged and not mentally somewhere else entirely. If Lee noticed Gaara’s inattention he hid it well, as all Gaara saw on Lee’s expression was excitement.

It was strange, Lee must know of Gaara’s condition, having been sent here as a symbol of “support” from Konoha, but he wasn’t acting any differently. Lee seemed to still act with the same over the top respect that Gaara remembered. Well, that would probably change once Gaara gave Lee the full details of his powerlessness.

Upon their arrival at the restaurant, they were greeted by several staff members, including one who seemed to be the head of the establishment.

“We are honoured to have you with us today Lord Kazekage, esteemed guest” they bowed as they spoke. Gaara noticed Lee shift, uncomfortable at the formal address, but Lee thanked them anyways.

“We’d like your private room in the back” Gaara asked politely.

“Anything for the Kazekage.”

Gaara felt uneasy with the respect aimed at him. He had never really adjusted to the change when he first took his position, but it felt even worse now. These were people who looked to him for strength and protection, something he couldn’t provide them anymore.

The staff led them to a small room, where the two of them sat. Gaara ordered some tea, insisting he wasn’t hungry. 

“You know keeping up your energy with a healthy diet is very important, especially for someone as busy as you Kazekage-sama!” Lee said matter-of-factly before turning to the waiter. “I will have two bowls of your spiciest curry!”

Any annoyance Gaara may have felt at being further nagged about his lifestyle was immediately forgotten, the look of utter disbelief on the staff’s face was more than enough to make up for it. No one but Rock Lee would order spicy curry at seven in the morning. Gaara silently prayed the second bowl was not for him.

The food arrived quickly and Gaara’s prayers were answered when Lee decimated the first bowl and carried on to the second. Gaara sipped his tea in silence, internally running through the explanation of his symptoms he had become so practiced at voicing. The herbal scent that came from tea seemed to help Gaara’s brain focus. The privacy of the room helped greatly in this regard as well.

When the waiter came to take Lee’s empty dishes, Gaara requested they not be interrupted until told otherwise. 

When the room had been cleared and the door closed Gaara began. “Lee, did you read the letter Temari sent the Hokage?” 

“No, but Hokage-sama explained to me about what has happened” 

“How much do you know exactly?” Gaara asked. He didn’t want to have to repeat anything Lee already knew. Despite having talked about himself with so many medi-nin, Gaara greatly disliked talking about his current limitations with anyone aside from his siblings. He knew his siblings would not abandon him, but anyone else could easily. The people of his village had no reason to show him loyalty in his current state, let alone a foreign shinobi. 

“I have been told that you are struggling with your chakra and that I am not to tell anyone about it” Lee spoke in a way that sounded as if it was meant to be a whisper but came out at what most people would consider a normal register. 

Gaara sighed, realizing he was going to have to explain more than he had thought. It appeared along with not telling Lee the exact reason he had been chosen to come to Suna, Tsunade had also given Lee only the barebones of Gaara’s condition. Not that Gaara knew how much information Temari had provided in the first place. 

Gaara began to explain everything they’d learned up to this point along with the attempts the medi-nin had made. Gaara told Lee about his current chakra limitations and how they affected his jutsu. Verbalizing his own weakness made Gaara feel sick to his stomach, but he kept a straight face through the explanation regardless. Lee scribbled notes the entire time, looking up to nod in affirmation as to let Gaara know he understood. It was almost strange for Lee to be silent for so long. Every time Gaara had seen Lee, the leaf shinobi seemed to talk endlessly about anything and everything, not that the two had spent that much time together. But Lee remained quiet and attentive as Gaara told his story.

“I will provide you with the reports from the medi-nin to supply to the Hokage if you wish, but for now that is all we have been able to learn regarding my situation.”

When Gaara finished, he watched as Lee completed the last of his notes and looked over everything he’d written so far. While he did so Gaara searched Lee’s expression. 

When Gaara had told Suna’s council, their reactions had been pretty much what he had expected; upset, angry, fearful and an underlying blame that Gaara was pretty sure he sensed from several of the members. But he couldn’t find any of that on Lee’s face. Sure Lee had had a general idea coming into this discussion, but surely the details of just how weak Gaara was now should stir something in Lee. Disappointment or pity maybe. But Gaara saw only a firm determination on Lee’s face. 

When Lee finally finished revising his notes, he looked up directly into Gaara’s tired bloodshot eyes and smiled. If Gaara had already been perplexed by Lee’s reactions to this situation before, the smile was enough to knock him completely off balance. 

Why would Lee smile? In no way did Gaara’s condition warrant a smile. Everyone else Gaara had told had responded with a frown or a scowl or some other look of shock. Never a smile.

Gaara stood up quickly, almost in a panicked manner.

“I’m afraid I have to get back to work.” Gaara announced, trying not to sound as confused and frantic as he felt.

“Of course, I understand you are very busy!” Lee said, standing up quickly to match Gaara. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Gaara gave a curt nod. It was nothing he should be thanked for considering he had little choice in the matter. 

Before Gaara could turn to leave, he found Lee in front of him. A warm sensation alerted Gaara that Lee had taken hold of one of Gaara’s hands between the both of his. 

“Gaara-sama, please know how honoured I am to be here. Let me know whenever you need my assistance and what I can do, as nothing would make me happier!”

Gaara stared at the hands around his, they were bandaged and had some leftover residue of sand and dust that had blown through them outside. Gaara was not at all used to anyone touching him, even the medi-nin who had been working on him recently had avoided touching him at all costs.  
Still not used to the enhanced sensation of touch, he felt the rough texture of the worn bandages and the warmth of Lee’s fingertips which themselves were almost as rough as the bandages.

Lee released Gaara’s hands and gave his signature good guy pose before reaching for his wallet. Gaara said nothing but turned quickly and left, telling the waiter not to let Lee pay as he handed over the proper amount and fled the building.

He kept his head down as he walked briskly back to his office, determined not to meet anyone’s eyes. Gaara didn’t trust his face to display its usual calm. He had worked diligently until now to ensure that no one would notice that anything was wrong. He’d be damned if someone noticed his distress now. 

Only now was Gaara processing all of Lee’s words. How could Lee be honoured to work with him? He had lost the most important part of himself and yet Lee seemed to look at him with the same intense respect. Gaara was now useless and powerless, and definitely not worthy of anyone’s respect.

Everything felt suffocating. All these emotions were becoming too much, Gaara could hardly distinguish what he felt anymore. Feelings were not something Gaara had much practice with, and now with the guilt, confusion, anger, powerlessness, frustration and loneliness he felt, it was as if someone had pushed him into the deepest ocean when he didn’t know how to swim. Coping had always meant masking any emotion he felt to the outside world, but that was now causing Gaara to implode.

Reaching his office, he checked to ensure the room was empty before slamming the door closed behind him and pounding his fist against the wood of his desk. Gaara returned to the door and locked it.

Alone again. After finally escaping the years of social isolation, it was now Gaara isolating himself from others. But being with others felt lonelier than being by himself these days.

Gaara sat down at his desk. He thought of Lee and how Lee had not acted any differently around him. Maybe… maybe his people would still follow him if they knew, and act as if nothing was different as Lee had. Maybe they would accept him while he tried to regain what he had lost, instead of abandon him.

No, Gaara knew that wasn’t true. Gaara had been chosen as Kazekage for his abilities, and now that those were gone the people around him would hate him as they had in the past. Lee was just an anomaly. 

How could Gaara expect his people to accept what he had become when he couldn’t accept it himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter, y'all are the best!


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